


PIMP MY TEETH

by Zucchini_in_a_Bikini



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal
Genre: Crack, Drug Use, Gen, Pimp my ride parody, Reality TV, Ryoga goes to get shark teeth, Screaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:19:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27357145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zucchini_in_a_Bikini/pseuds/Zucchini_in_a_Bikini
Summary: Woah! Ryoga's shark tooth procedure has been totally paid for by the obnoxious crew at PIMP MY TEETH! The only catch? He has to be part of their stupid reality TV show.
Kudos: 3





	PIMP MY TEETH

**Author's Note:**

> For a certain friend of ours.

**"This is Kaname Ayame, your host for today’s episode of: PIMP! MY! TEETH!"**

Shark winces at the obnoxious announcer’s antics and rolls his eyes. Well, this was the price he’d pay for trying to achieve his childhood dream. Not only was the trashy reality tv show going to pay for his operation 100%, they’d also pay for his vacations with his newfound...you guessed it...shark teeth. The only drawback? A film crew and their obnoxious host, Kaname Ayame, would be following him.

"As you people know, this is RYOGA KAMISHIRO AKA, PRINCE OF THE OCEAN ON OUR TV SHOW!" hoots Ayame, flopping wildly about.

Ayame’ s microphone is roughly shoved into Ryoga’s face, almost colliding with his nose.

"What made you want to get your teeth **PIMPED OUT**?!" screeches Ayame, the final words coming out like a guttural heavy metal scream.

Taking in a deep breath and reigning in his fists to prevent sending Ayame to the moon, Ryoga looks dead eyed into the camera.

"It’s been a childhood dream of mine to have shark teeth," says Shark. "Plus, it looks cool."

"YOU HEARD IT THERE, FOLKS! THE MAN WANTS SHARK TEETH BECAUSE IT’S SO. DAMN. **COOOOL** ," heavy metal screams Ayame.

Maybe. Just maybe. This was a mistake. Ryoga sucks in a sharp breath and flexes his fistsback and forth. After the operation, maybe things would be better. They’d give him recovery time, right? He didn’t really read the contract to its full extent. He kinda just skimmed over most of it and signed because hey, free shark teeth.

"WE’RE GONNA GET IN THE TOOTH MOBILE SO EVERYONE KNOWS OUR SHOW IS IN HEARTLAND,” screeches Ayame, horribly dancing in place. " **UNLEASH THE TOOTH MOBILE**."

A loud series of honks filled the air. Ryoga let out a groan as a...giant pair of teeth on wheels rounded the corner. He wants to sink into the ground and disappear. Why couldn’t he have just driven over to the dentist’s office in his magical monowheel motorbike thing? Ayame was practically vibrating in place, obnoxiously straight teeth chattering in excitement.

The awkward vehicle let out another honk and the doors sprung open. Ayame turns back to the camera, making a few overly exaggerated expressions.

"AND WE’RE GOING!! THIS IS GONNA BE SO COOL!!"

Ryoga quickly shuffles into the backseat, praying that no one saw him. Was this free operation truly worth his dignity? As the door closed behind him, he sees Ayame enter the passenger’s seat. _Oh god, an hour long drive with this annoying idiot_.

Much to his surprise, Ayame closes the door with a loud sigh and motions to the driver to step on it. From the host’s pocket,a packet of...something is pulled out. Ryoga stares at the host curiously. Noticing Ryoga’s stare, Ayame holds his gaze, unwraps the packet and reveals a bit of white powder. Without even blinking, the host lifts up the packet to their nose and snorts it all up with an audible series of huffs.

Sure, Ryoga’s seen drugs before. Heck, he’s even dabbled in some. But this obnoxious creature...? Ah, wait. Yeah. It totally made sense now. Swiping their nose, Ayame flicks the packet out the window.

"You think any sane human could be that naturally obnoxious?" growls Ayame. "Shit man, if it wasn’t for these, I’d have quit ages ago."

The ride passes by in awkward silence as Ayame begins playing a montage of interviews with the Barians.

"My brother? Getting shark teeth? Disappointed, but not surprised," said Rio nonchalantly.

"Shark teeth?! That’s so cool!" cheered Alit. He gave Gilag a hi-five. "Maybe I should get some."

Mizael rolled his eyes and flicked back his hair. "It’s ugly. There, I said it," he said snappishly.

The camera then went to Durbe, who was nursing a cup of coffee.

"I just hope he doesn’t regret his decision," the knight says quietly.

_Maybe he will_.

As they drive up to the brightly lit dentist’s office, the camera crew is already there. The dentist was being briefed by the PR manager whilst Ayame tumbled out of the vehicle, the cocaine now fully pulsing through their veins. They shove a microphone into the dentist's face, animatedly interviewing him.

Ryoga slowly gets out of the tooth mobile and exchanges a helpless shrug with the doctor. He’s quickly ushered into the operating room, where the film crew is thankfully absent. The dentist tiredly closes the door and sighs.

"Are you sure about this, young man?"

He’s gotten this far. Might as well finish the journey. Ryoga relaxes into his seat.

"Positive."

The dentist beckons to a hygienist to prepare the anesthetic.

"I’m going to be honest here, sir. It’s going to hurt."

_Not as much as when a child died in his arms._

"I’ve been through worse," answers Ryoga.

The dentist nods, preparing her tools.

"Alright then. Open up."


End file.
